Why can't I stop drinking?

That question is usually one of the last ones a real alcoholic asks himself, which is usually only after a string of ugly and depressing consequences have befallen him (or her). The answer to that question finally seeped through the cracks in my head after reading one of the most powerful paragraphs I can ever remember finding in a book. I should also mention that I had previously read this very paragraph on dozens of occasions, however, somehow I missed what it said, or maybe I just read it with the interest I would something like a "safe-lifting" instruction booklet required for employment at a hardware store, I don't know and it certainly does not matter today. What does matter, a lot, is that I found what I had obviously missed. In any case, this time I had arrived at a time and place where I found myself slowly consuming the message, word by word and even sort of marinating in the possible meanings of each word on the page. Have you ever considered, possibly enviously, why some of those classmates in school seemed to be so well prepared for tests and oral essays? Of course we have, but I'm now convinced that it wasn't because they were smarter than us, which was certainly a thought which was quite common to the low self-esteem tied to our less than respectable GPA's, it was simply because they really read and actually absorbed the words, along with their meanings from the text books! That is what I choose to believe today which also serves as the theory that settles many questions from my history.

I have so far successfully beat around the bush in revealing the afore mentioned paragraph in question but I want to make one more point before I lay it out here; the question at the top of the page is not actually an admission by the person asking that he or she can't stop drinking, it's really a rhetorical question asked by the typical alcoholic who is looking for a new drinking plan which will alleviate his or her previously realized problematic consequences while allowing him or her to continue "having a few drinks". "Well that dosen't make any sense" you say, but the fact is that the denial factor which applies to nearly every alcoholics story is so powerful that even when he or she begins to speak or think the words 'why can't I stop drinking", there is still a refusal to consider that he or she cannot continue to drink. There is typically another chapter left to play out in his or her life before the truth about their drinking can actuaaly come to bare. That chapter is mostly made up of consequences much more serious and even uglier than in the previous chapter, consequences which bring them to their knees in desperation for rescue. At that point and only then, can our friend read and grasp the meaning of the paragraph I'm writing about.

What's more is that the statement I'm going to show you here has been in published print for many, many years. In fact, this statement or paragraph, was penned by a well respected physician who in fact, was quite famous in his time for the work he toiled over for many years. Work that this Doctor became known for which would ultimately shape and transform the lives of millions of people around the world.

Here's the paragraph written by the Doctor which when read in an intentional and thoughtful way, opened my eyes to a truth that stood before me - just as plain as day, as it did for many before me, a paragraph patiently waiting, that was to be translated only by the desperation found in the final chapter of a suffering alcoholics life:

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the affect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many people do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."

written by Dr. William D. Silkworth, MD

published in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, April 1939

If you need to talk to someone about addiction recovery and how you can take a step toward it, send me a message through the "Contact" page. Of course if you or someone you are with, is in crisis or experiencing a life-threatening emergency, stop what you're doing and call 911 immediately.

#Drinking